Sharing A Postpartum Depression Journey
This week was a very physically and emotionally hard week for me.
After having lily and saige I went through an undiagnosed postpartum depression that just strung along when I had them so close together.
Learning about my depression was one of the reasons I enrolled in school. I didn’t quite know what my plan was, but I knew at that time in my life I needed more than just changing diapers and doing dishes.
Going to School Gave Me Ambition and Motivation Each Day
And I worked my butt off for my degree and my job. I would care for my babies and the housework all day long, waiting till they went to bed to start my school work. I would be up till 3 am or later most nights working on homework. Then up at it again when alarms were going off.
Despite my lack of sleep and pushing through so much alone, I graduated valedictorian of my class. Then searched for months for my dream job. Which I landed thanks to my creative resume cookies that took me a week to bake, decorate, and hand-deliver.
Finding Happiness After Postpartum Depression
With my dream job and true happiness with the love of my life, I’ve found myself so head over heels in love with baby oak and motherhood. So in love with it that I actually feel very guilty for not having felt this when Lily and Saige were born.
This week I decided to return to work. I knew my team needed me and I wanted to be there because again I worked my ass off for that job.
But quickly I found my work life and my home life to both be too demanding of me this week. I’d go to work, doing what I love, but missing my babies every second of the day. And come home to all 6 of them but overwhelmed with school work, dinner, pumping, and then bedtime.
For the first time in my life, I am enjoying motherhood as it is supposed to be felt. But returning to work was taking that away from me.
Quickly taking my head over heels in love happiness down to a frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted mental health. I lost my bonding time with Oaklan this week. The bonding time that I, unfortunately, was robbed of with Lily and Saige. A bonding experience that I truly never thought I’d ever get to have.
Choosing to Maintain A Positive Mental Health
So I quit my dream job. It absolutely was not an easy decision. But if I’ve learned anything over the past 6 years. It’s the importance of taking care of my mental health.
I’m going to miss my work family so much. And quitting still seems a bit surreal. But I’m so happy with my life and family. And I’m excited to use my spare time to push my passion for helping other moms fight postpartum depression through Oak Five Studios and The Expressive Lens. So that other mommas can experience motherhood the way we all deserve.